Shamed

We were friends, not best friends but good friends until the day I got a school boy crush on you. I don’t know what got into me and why all of a sudden you looked so good to me, when you became the object of my obsession. Was it a hormonal thing? It all seemed so natural and normal. That’s why I offered to give you my class ring.

How was I to know you didn’t see me like that? We were just friends. We liked to talk about some of everything. I used to help you with your homework and I got a kick out of the way you smiled when you got the answers right. You told me all about your problems and the way you felt. I told you all about my problems too and how each day with you, made my pain slowly fade away.

It was hard for me and it was hard for you growing up in those days. But we had each other, if only for a moment in time, until that fateful moment I asked for something you could not give. Why not? You couldn’t live the life of a virgin forever.

I wanted more. I needed more. You gave me more until I told you how I really felt inside. I thought I could bare my soul to you. You came onto me in a wet dream, a sloppy wild and crazy, sweet dream. I couldn’t resist the temptation. I wanted you. Was it my fault you made me feel this way?

There was something about you I couldn’t resist. I saw your rack and wanted a snack. Can you blame me for wanting to slowly caress your nipples and watch them perk up? I was hungry for your love. I wanted to lick and suck for the satisfaction that could only come from the taste of your healthy breasts.

I can see you in my dream as if it was just yesterday. You were there in bed with me, making love with your tongue and your lips. I wanted to hold you and hug you and make love to you. I wanted to nail you an impale you and ride you like a wild stallion, taming you and inflaming you, making love burn white hot inside of you. It was a dream but not a dream come true.

In my dream I was a strong man, a virile man, able to satisfy your every need. I was your Samson and you were my Delilah and it all came to a happy ending. But in real life the outcome was not at all what I expected. You slapped my hand and told me no. You told me I couldn’t have you in that way. You acted like you didn’t care about my deepest desire. You didn’t share my enthusiasm for illicit sex. Why not?

Can you explain it to me now? Can you tell me how I could be so wrong and why my dream could never come true? Remind me again why my romantic love was not meant for you. Tell me about the man in your dreams, the man I will never be.

I’m sorry I came after you in that way. I couldn’t help myself. I wanted a roll in the hay. I could stop the natural growth of my member down below. It was a spontaneous reaction. Then I was ashamed. The look on your face made me feel that way. How could we be friends one day and the next day gone our separate ways. Is there no place in this world for us?

I tried to satisfy your needs. Isn’t that the beginning of something more? Doesn’t it start that way? Doesn’t it happen that way? I do some things for you. You do some things for me. Everything goes so pleasantly. And then abracadabra, shish boom bang, out of the sky blue we do the nasty thang!

That’s the way puppy love unfolded in my dreams that day. A natural progression from friendship that grew in a special way. A sharing of feelings that opened the door to something more, something I never dreamed of before. I couldn’t tell you then, but I can tell you now. I was ashamed for being so wrong to come after you that way. I misplaced your trust in me. Silly me is all I can say. I should have known you didn’t want me that way. And when you first said no and pushed me away, I should have listened more closely on that fateful day. I should have given up my quest to make my dreams come true, I should have repressed my desire to make love to you.

Take me back. Please show me the way. Tell me how I should have reacted to your answer that day. And with your forgiveness and a big hug, my shame will slowly fade away. And today I will feel whole again and be able to love again and we can be friends again and I can stand tall again, unashamed for being me.

Audio: https://soundcloud.com/user-83095424/shamed

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