Red

Describing the intensity of my love for you is like trying to describe the color red to one blind from birth. What can I say, what can I do, what words can I use to make you see how much I really love you. Should I talk about the hours and the days I’m obsessed with the thought of you? Longing for a mere glimpse of you, to play over and over again in my head like an Instagram video looping endlessly.  Or should I try to describe what I would do to you right now if you were here, lying next to me?

I want you.

I want you forever, now, yesterday, and always, but above all, I want you to want me.

No matter where I am or what I am doing, I am not safe from your spell. Every time I hear from you, your love potion fills my soul with delight. At any moment, the image of your face smiling at me, of your voice telling me you care, or of your hand in mine, may suddenly fill my consciousness rudely pushing out all else. I spend my time thinking only of you. I cannot think of another.

Everything reminds me of you. I try to read, but four times on a single page some word begins the lightning chain of associations that summons my mind away from my work, and I must struggle to return my attention to the task at hand. Often I give up easily, leaving my computer, and throwing myself down on my bed, wishing I could whisper sweet nothings in your ear, while my imagination constructs long and involved and plausible reasons to believe that you love me too.

Yes, I have a crush on you. I am obsessed with you, I am addicted to the hope of reciprocation. I have faith in you, I believe in you, will you make love to me ever again? Say it. Say anything. Something to make me whole again. Something to brighten one more day for me.

You have seen the light and the light burns bright, why hide it under a basket? Shine your light on me and cleanse my soul with your love. Take me to the place where they turn water to wine, to our secret place of pure ecstasy. Can you hear me now? Can you see me now? Shine bright my love, shine your bright light on me.

Audio: https://soundgasm.net/u/comealot/Red

Perspective

I can see you but I can’t see me, not unless I look at my reflection in a mirror. But is that tired old face I see really me? I’d rather see my reflection as I gaze into your eyes. I am all alone. It is through you that I live. You are my mirror. Your face smiles at the sight of me. My ego lives through your perception of me, so easily bruised by every word that comes out of your mouth. I am an empath. Your thoughts of me become my thoughts of myself. I am now on life support. Refusing to take another breath until you infuse my lungs with your life saving breath. Will you save me today? I can’t wait, so I breathe.

You don’t know what it’s like being me. How could you? You were busy living your life when I was busy living mine. We have two different life experiences. You have your perspective and then there was me. I am not who you think I am. I am not who you want me to be. I am an elusive spirit released in this ether, a wholesome, loving spirit only you can see. Why? Because you have the perspective. You see the sun shooting through a prism and you see the rainbow, but you also know that in the pure bright light lives all the glorious colors. Like magic you see the sun and the rainbow in me.

But I am blind. I look out and I can’t see me. I cannot observe this lost soul that only you have found. Will you bring me back to life and let me be me? Think back to that special moment. You saw me one day for all I could be, but I missed it. I was too busy looking into your eyes and falling in love with you, your inner spirit, a bright light, a warm heart. I was blinded by your beauty. I could see you, just like you could see me.

You can only run and hide for so long. Eventually you have to fess up and come clean. It’s just a matter of time. I’m convinced you will wake up one morning and become the answer to my prayers, the woman I saw and the woman I want to see, the woman whose body is a distant memory.

I was wondering what magic spell you possessed over me, and then it hit me like a ton of bricks. Eureka! Out of the blue as if some complex mathematical formula was revealed to me, I saw it. I saw your eyes and in your eyes I saw the reflection of me, not a tattered face awash in pleasure. No, I saw something else. It was the timing that made all the difference in the world. I was inside of you and I saw my pleasure on your face. And you moved your hips and you saw your pleasure on my face. And just as fast you’re your feelings merged with mine, the pleasure that turned water into wine, made a chemical reaction, one that can never be reversed, our spirits touched, our inhibitions burst. Yes, you did something you were never supposed to do, something you never did before. But so did I. I bit of the golden apple too. And now, many years later, I want to relive the moment and savor that special moment with you.

But my memories can only live through your perspective. My reminiscing soul can only be saved if you reminisce with me too. Tell me more about the good times, the euphoric moments we created. Tell me you loved it and how much you wish you could do it all over again. And wrap it all up in a priceless present only you can give to me now. Life, love and eternal happiness. How could I be so stupid to have missed it before, and how could I be so insane to think you would do it again. But there is hope.

When I see your face, I not only see who you are, I see the woman you were, the woman who made passionate love to me. I see in your eyes and in the expression on your face the source of my youth and my connection with the human race. I feel lost on an island all alone and only you can save me. You are the only one who has the pure, unadulterated perspective. You see the king in me and I see the queen in you. And only if we could for a moment gaze deeply into each other’s eyes again, I am convinced that the heavens would part and the ecstasy rainbow would come to life in us one more time. Will you let it happen?

Audio: https://soundgasm.net/u/comealot/Perspective

To My Next Girlfriend

I want you because you know exactly what to say when I need it. You know how to appeal to my sexual senses. You send me pics and audio recordings when I need them. You write erotica to me too. You like to get me off and I like to do it with you. You are a good friend to me. I want to shower you with gifts to show my appreciation. Why wouldn’t I fall head over heels in love with you?

Today

Today I’m going to make some significant changes in my life. I don’t know if they will include you or not because I’m going to walk down a path into something new. You may not want the new me and you may want to cast me aside. That’s OK. You see, today I’m going to stop changing to meet your needs. I’m going to be myself, my true self, my authentic self.

I’m tired of jumping through hoops for you. You say jump and I say “how high”, your wish is my command, I’m here to fulfill your every desire. I can’t say these things anymore. I can’t do these things anymore. I can’t buy you roses to make up for my mistakes and days of lost love and unfulfilled desires. It’s not fair to you and it’s not fair to me. Authenticity is key. What you see is what you get, the real me.

My heart has been torn asunder jumping through hoops for you. I have been the malleable partner, a chameleon, shifting shapes at your every whim, trying to please you every day in every way. For so long I have believed that my happiness was tied to your happiness. I believed that if I could give you the things you need, you would satisfy my desires in return. Quid pro quo. One good turn deserves another. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. That is the golden rule, isn’t it?

But the bitterness and resentment has torn me apart inside. Don’t get me wrong. It worked for a time, for a long long time. I put my wants and desires on the back burner and put yours first. I sacrificed what I wanted so I could make you happy, with the hope that you would reciprocate and do the things for me that only you could do. And for so long I have waited patiently for the crumbs off your table, standing in the rafters waiting for some special moment when you would fill my heart with love and satisfy my long-neglected desires. I waited and waited and you never came.

And today I woke up a new man because I’ve decided not to wait any longer. I’m moving on. I’m walking back to the bus stop and waiting for the next bus. Another one will come. The next one will take me where I need to go. That is why I promise to be as authentic and as vulnerable as I can be. I won’t hide my true feelings any longer. When you hurt me, I will cry and let you feel my pain. I won’t hold back and hold it in any longer, trying to act impervious to your digs, insults and abuse. You have been mean to me and in some ways I deserve it, but in actuality, the cycle of pain has to stop somewhere.

Today it stops here. I can’t tolerate it any longer. I can’t live this double life, one-minute acting like all is well and the next minute sitting on the pity pot all depressed and downtrodden. This is not a healthy life. This is not a healthy relationship and it has to end. No, not the relationship and even though I want you to change, you don’t have to change for me. I am the one who must hold fast to my promise of a new me. I don’t have you to blame for my own lack of discipline and inconsistency. It is not your fault that I have allowed an environment of dysfunction to reign supreme. I take full responsibility for today and henceforth, every day that comes.

Neither one of us will live forever. Our time is short, however much time we have left to live together. And why should we spend our remaining days in pain and anguish? There is no need to suffer and sacrifice anymore. I would rather be alone with my true and authentic self than to kowtow to your unreasonable demands any longer.

Today I feel fully empowered. Today I will be very clear about what I want and what I don’t want, and today, if you want me in your life, if you want my precious love one day longer, today you will have to accept me for who I am as I accept you for who you are.

As we see the essence of our souls combine on a deep, spiritual level, true love will fill our cups to overflowing and when our cups are overflowing with the love that we have cultivated from within, then we can engage from a place of wholeness and empowerment rather than from a place of insecurity and need.

Are you ready for today? Are you ready for a new day? Be courageous. Be strong. Be forgiving. Yes, today I’m going to make significant changes in my life. Will you join me on this quest for truth and righteousness? Say yes, please say yes. But know I will love you for who you are, whether you say yes or even if you say no.

Audio: https://soundcloud.com/user-83095424/today

Please Forgive My Indiscretions

You are the love of my life and I love every bit of you from head to toe. Yes, every inch of you, every ounce of you, all of you. You make my life whole and complete and I can’t live without the sweet nothings your whisper in my ear, when you’re in the mood. When you are feeling right. I love you. I will love you forever.

Please forgive me for the mistakes I’ve made. Nobody is perfect. I am the flawed one, the stupid one, the ugly duckling that no one thought would amount to anything. Yes, that is me, the man who fell in love with you. Can you accept me for who I am, warts and all? Blemished and besmirched with a few indiscretions that happened years ago, yes ages ago. I made mistakes. I admit it. Will I ever be forgiven? Can we go back to the way it was before you heard it through the grapevine?

I can’t change the past. I can’t turn back the hands of time. I can’t make what happened go away. All I can do is promise a brighter future, a better man, someone more deserving of your love. Can you forgive me? Will I ever be forgiven? Is this too much to ask?

I can’t go on like this. My life is meaningless without your love. Your kind words bring meaning to my life. I can’t help it. My love for you is the meaning of my being. I didn’t make it this way. It just happened. Lord knows that no one of sane mind and body would ever want to fall head over heels over you. You are too hard to please. You are too difficult to satisfy. But I did fall for you and I am still trying. Yes, I will keep trying. I will chase you with my dying breath. How does it feel to be wanted beyond all reasonable possibilities of defeat? Can you feel me?

Can you fill my heart with the love I long for, the unconditional love I so desperately need from you? Or is your love for me transactional? As long as I do for you, you will do for me. Is that the way it is? Is that the way it is going to be? I can’t take it like this anymore. I need you to do something special for me. I can’t hold my breath waiting for you to call any longer.

Let yourself go. The good self, the nice self, your loving self, you know what I need to come back to the emotional equilibrium of life. Give it to me. I need you. Please. Have a little kindness in your heart and say something special to me to make my day. I know I don’t deserve it, but I still hope for the best. I hope you will love me again because, until you do, I will never rest.

Don’t just be the woman you are, please be the woman I want you to be, the caring woman, the forgiving woman, the woman with a mission to save the life of a poor tattered soul, me. An ounce of your love is all I need today to make my life complete. You are bigger than life and any part of you is all I need to survive another day. One kind word, one small signal, one sweet smile, one more intricate part of you is all I need today. You can do it if you put your mind to it. For a moment you can feel the sincerity in my words, the real man speaking of love lost and love found again. Put it all behind us and think of the bright future ahead of us. If only you can forgive me for a moment, my endless and unconditional love will fill your heart forever more.

Audio: https://soundcloud.com/user-83095424/please-forgive-my-indiscretions